TTC: I saw this lovely post on my insta feed this week, about writing down the kinds words you’d like to hear on your fertility journey. (See pic above). So many of us resonated with it. And no wonder. It really struck me that so often we don’t focus on the things we actually want, because we’re so focused on thinking about what we don’t.
Why don’t we say out loud what we want?
There are so many reasons why I never said the words, ‘I want to be a mother’ out loud. Here’s the top of my list:
- If I said it I might jinx myself and it would never happen.
- It would open me up to more hurt if it didn’t work.
- I wanted to protect my heart.
- I felt vulnerable and scared.
- It reinforced my feelings of shame around how hard it was for us.
- After all our struggles was I worthy of being a mother?
- The fact that I had so many difficulties conceiving was maybe was a sign that it wasn’t meant to be?
Maybe you can relate to some of these? Perhaps you have your own list too. But here’s the thing I learnt about not saying these words because I didn’t want to hurt even more than I already did. You are hurting already. You don’t need me to tell you that. And not going there and admitting it, and being honest that this is your deepest wish – stops the fertile flow of life moving through you.
There is a lovely quote by, Power Of Speech, which describes this perfectly: “Your mind will always believe everything you tell it. Feed it hope. Feed it truth. Feed it with love.” Yes. Yes. Yes.
When we say the what we want, and put it out there, however difficult or vulnerable we feel – we open ourselves up to the possibility of it actually happening.
Remember, what you say to yourself grows in you. So if you shout out, ‘My body is useless.’ ‘This is never going to work!’ ‘I’m too old!’ ‘I left it too late.’ ‘My eggs are bad,’ then it’s going to make your journey that much harder to navigate.
Reframing with kind words
When you come up with your list of the kind words you’d like to hear, can you try writing them down? It can feel like the power of these words treble when you can see them in black and white in front of you. Try something like, ‘You are going to be ok’, ‘You are healthy and fertile’, ‘We are so proud of how far you have come’, ‘We trust that you’re going to be a mama’, ‘What you seek is seeking you’.
I know this is hard. I get it, I really do. If life is tough right now it can feel impossible to even think about saying these kind words, let alone writing them down. Start small with something like: ‘Keep breathing’, ‘You are kind’, ‘You are doing the best you can’.
This is no lie.
Look at you. Still moving forwards, making changes and doing the best that you can. If you haven’t been told recently how beautifully you are doing, let me tell you now. Keep going, one foot in front of the other like you have been. You’ve got this.