TTC: Longing. Such a powerful word with many different connotations for those of us on a ttc journey. But so often we don’t talk about our longings. They’re frankly too painful. We don’t talk about the longing we have for our child to come to us. A longing to reclaim ourselves once more. A longing for the person we used to be. A longing for this phase in our lives to be over. We keep these thoughts to ourselves for fear we’ll be misunderstood or told that we’re being unrealistic or lacking resilience. I clearly remember yearning for my life to be complete and that feeling was so strong my heart used to physically hurt.
Once during my fertility journey I walked into a flower shop and was surrounded by huge bunches of my favourite peony’s, that reminded me so much of the ones we had on our wedding day. That day was such a happy, joyful time. The feeling of longing to be back there, free from the constant sadness, guilt and frustration that I felt hit me so hard it took my breath away. I started crying and ran out, leaving the store embarrassed.
If you don’t articulate your feelings of longing to your loved ones, over time you start to feel more and more detached and disconnected. Research teaches us that one of the best coping strategies to deal with your longings is to write down how you feel. Getting it out, writing freely and without having to explain or justifying how you are feeling can be very cathartic. It not only allows you to get clear about what is going on but also helps you to express how you are feeling to the people in your life who love and care about you. Longing is not a dirty word. It’s not something to feel guilty or bad about. Your longings mean that you are craving wholeness. When you speak what you long for out loud you free yourself from secrecy and shame. If you can relate, try this.