TTC: When you’re trying to have a baby, the end of the year can bring up strong emotions (if it’s combined with a birthday, times that by ten). It’s easy to feel that you haven’t moved forward AT ALL despite all you’ve been through, especially when your social media feed is full of new pregnancies and babies. For many of us our internal dialogue can sound something like, ‘I’m about to be a whole year older!’ ‘I’ve left it too late!’ ‘My eggs are old!’ – ‘I’m no longer 39, I’m 40!’ The fear, anxiety and stress can be palpable. If you can relate to thinking this way, know you are not alone.
Why taking a break is good
I know you know this, but it’s good to be reminded. Waiting a month or two over December and January isn’t going to make that much difference in the big scheme of things. Sometimes (and more often than you might think), taking a break actually a good thing because it allows you to pause and give your body and your mind a well earned rest. You might be taking new meds or vitamins and stopping for a month or two will give them a chance to settle and integrate into your system. It will also give you a chance to let your hair down, eat what you want, have a glass of something bubbly and try and forget about baby making for a while.
Mental ‘Mini-breaks’ can help
Going on holiday and having a change of scene can help (‘change is as good as a rest’, right?) But others will be at home, spending time with close friends and extended family, which can often bring up different challenges.
One way that helped me when it all got too much, was to plan mental ‘mini-breaks’ during the holiday season. These allowed me to step back and protect myself and my heart when I felt out of control. If you have to turn up to something you don’t want to go to, tell the host before hand that you have to go early – if you can plan this ahead of time it helps you to relax while you’re there, knowing you have an escape exit if you need it.
If your family has welcomed a new baby into it this year, Christmas can be a reminder of what you don’t have just yet. (Please notice that little word ‘yet,’ so small and yet so important). It’s hard to be happy for those who have what you so desperately want. If you feel this way, now is the perfect time to give yourself a break. When you love yourself, not despite of your difficulties but because of them, acceptance happens. Knowing that if others have had luck this year, it’s possible for you to have some too, keeps you open to possibility.
Keep softening and being kind (Christmas is a crazy time for many of us) and you are doing beautifully.
*TTC – Trying To Conceive