TTC: What words do you use to describe what you’re going through as you ttc? The phrases that we use are so powerful. They can assist and uplift us, or take us off to dark places – I’ve been to both and I know which one I’d choose.

I was reading a woman on my Insta feed this week who had been diagnosed with ‘unexplained infertility’. She found the label, ‘infertility,’ shocking. I totally get this. I remember being told I was infertile and the word filled me with dread. My thought process was, “This is who you are now.” It didn’t seem possible. “How could this be?” It wasn’t how I saw myself at all. I think it’s important to keep bringing this up. The words we use matter. I never use the word ‘infertility’, be it coaching, on Insta or Facebook or any of the blog posts I write. I decided this early on. I was going to focus on what I wanted, (however far away that end goal seemed to be) rather than what I didn’t. I started to use the word ‘fertility’ to describe what I was going through. I would talk about “my fertility issues”, I said I was undergoing “fertility treatments”, or I’d say, “I feel like screaming, my fertility challenges suck!” Such as small change, but a powerful one.

Next time you’re struggling and your thoughts are negative, can you catch it? Instead of:

  •  “This is never going to happen, why am I putting myself through this?”
  • “Beth had her first baby at 34, I’ve left it too late, my eggs are old.”
  • “Everyone else seems to have more luck than me, will it ever be my turn?”

Reframe it: Can you use words that are kinder, gentler and more supportive to help you right now? Consider:

  • “I’m doing everything in my power to create a healthy baby.”
  • “My eggs are capable of turning into healthy babies.”
  • “I know that if others have luck, it’s possible for me to have it too.”

This isn’t polly-anna-ish, far from it. When you start to focus on what you want and use the words that will help you to get there, not only does it make your journey that much easier, but it keeps reinforcing why you are on this challenging journey in the first place. Start small. Drop the ‘in’ and focus on your fertility instead.