TTC: Shifting perspective…when we’re in the thick of it, it can feel like this is the end game. We wonder how we’re going to cope, and what will my life be like if I can’t have children? It’s terrifying and exhausting. But here’s the thing. Change is coming. If there is only one certainty in life, this is it. You don’t know what will happen. And thinking negatively does not make your journey easier, it makes it a lot harder.
My coaching client Clare told me, “I realise that I’m in that negative loop all the time. I don’t even notice it anymore. It’s become part of me. Last month I got my period once again right on time and I wanted to scream. I feel like I’ve changed all these things in my life and nothing is working. I’m tracking my ovulation, eating well, going to the gym, taking my vitamins. I’ve stopped saying positive things to myself because it doesn’t seem to make any difference. I just feel sad all the time.”
I can totally relate to Clare’s story, maybe you can too. But here’s the thing. This journey is tough. When we are hard on ourselves and negative about what we’re going through, it makes it that much harder. Your mind is there to support, guide and nurture you or it can take you off down alleys to dark places. I’ve been to both and I know which one I’d choose.
Awareness is everything. When you are aware of how you are behaving you have choice – you can keep going the way you are, or maybe make a different decision. When you’re feeling down, it’s hard to make the shift but this is exactly when it needs to happen. Start small. Can you pause, take a breath and sigh out gently? Can you say something kind to yourself like, ‘let it be’? There is something very powerful that happens when we soften. We notice that we’ve gone to ‘that place’ again and we make a conscious choice to stop so we can release the negative loop in our heads. Using phrases like, ‘let it be’, or ‘it’s going to be OK’, or ‘take a breath’, or ‘breathe it out’ are like gentle circuit breakers. They allow us to notice that we’ve wandered off into negativity, and gently, lovingly encourage us to come back into the present moment so we can harness our fears.
When we are kind with ourselves we feel better and life feels a little easier. Trust that what you want is looking for you too. There has never been a better time for you than now. Your longing has brought you to this place. Feel it. Trust it. Believe it.