TTC: Anger. Feeling angry. Having angry thoughts. Hating what you’re going through and who you think you’ve become. If you’re on a ttc journey it is very likely that you will have come up against anger. I have. For me it appeared after shock and before sadness and I hated feeling that way, but it was so hard to shift. Once I was in that hot, hard headspace it became a part of me. I found it difficult to see a way through.
Anger as motivation
There is another side of anger too. I’ve spoken to many women who have said that they need their anger – it propels them to keep going and keep trying, sometimes through serious difficulties as they ttc. Many times I have heard women say, ‘If I give up my anger, will I loose the impetus I need to get me through the craziness of ttc treatments and natural fertility?’ My friend Rachel told me, ‘It’s my anger that keeps me motivated to fight my fertility issues and get me to the other side.’
How Mindfulness can help.
I believe you are more likely to be able to see what can help make change if you’re not driven by anger, because it clouds your judgement, closes your mind and makes communication difficult. Rather than being driven by it, or trying to repress it, can just notice it? Ask yourself:
- What is going on here? Like a witness, can you see the full picture? Is what you’re feeling real? This may sound odd but sometimes we can create the chaos rather than being the recipient of it.
- Notice the sensations that come up in your body. Can you recognise this as energy rather than anger? The dry throat, tenderness across the heart, locked jaw, sore lower back…what is it for you?
- Be kind. Rather than judging yourself for it can you be gentle with yourself? Imagine your best friend was going through something tough, what would you say to them? You might say how proud you are of them for navigating something so difficult. That you’re blown away by their resilience and courage. That they may have messed up in some way, but they are doing their best . That they are a good person so they will learn from their mistakes, say sorry and move on. So often we are able to speak to others this way, but don’t show ourselves the same kindness. If you know you are hard on yourself, can you take a gentle breath in with me now and sigh it out. Ahhhh, that’s better. When we soften, our heart softens too, and this is the start to freedom and healing.
When you look at what you are going though with kindness and compassion – your body and mind starts to slow down. When you are quiet you might find that insights appear and you can see interesting ways to resolve, act or communicate better on how you are feeling. Letting go and being in the moment allows you to see how things actually are, rather than how you thought they were. This is a powerful reflection. It all starts by being mindful.