TTC: When things aren’t going as you wish and you’re having a hard time, what do you say to yourself and how do you react?
We all have ways that help us to cope when we face adversity. Often, this is how we’ve reacted our whole lives when difficulties crop up. These negative behavioural patterns can be insidious. They creep up on us and we’re not even aware that this is the way we’re behaving. It’s become second nature. Like me, you may be able to relate to some of these patterns below.
Negative Behaviour Patterns While Trying To Conceive
- You feel sad all the time. Can’t remember when you last belly-laughed or had fun.
- Are overly negative about your journey saying, “This is never going to work” or, “Why am I putting myself through this” or, “Others seem to have all the luck, but not me”.
- Shut down, stop talking, don’t say how you feel.
- Become controlling, bullish, take charge and don’t listen to others.
- Are self depreciating, saying things like, “others have it worst than me” or “stop being a cry baby” or, “enough complaining, just get on with it”.
- Stop moving, spend more time on the sofa.
- Over-do exercise – run 5 days a week, love your power workouts at the gym.
- Comfort eat, put on weight.
- Don’t eat enough, become a shadow of your former self.
- Distract yourself with work, spend long hours at your desk with no break.
- Cry all the time, notice that anything even ‘slightly’ emotional sets you off.
- You used to know how to respond to situations. Now you have that ‘out of body’ feeling all the time – you don’t know what you should do or what you want. Everything seems unclear.
What is your pattern?
If you can relate to any of the patterns on this list, ask yourself, “Is this helping my journey?” Sometimes we’re so caught up in one viewpoint we don’t think to ask. As always awareness is everything. The answer of course to this question can be ‘yes’ – but very often when we pause, take a step back and look at our situation from a different perspective we realise that there is something different we can do. It doesn’t have to be big, but can you make it kind?
People say, “Everything happens for a reason,” but I don’t believe this is true. I believe what you’re going through now gives you a reason to be kinder to yourself and more loving and supportive of those around you. Start small. If you feel sad all the time and can’t see anything positive, can you make a conscious decision to ask yourself at the end of the day, ‘Was there any good in today? Any good in me?” If you know you’re overly negative about your journey, can you catch it and say, “This is hard, but I’m doing the best that I can.” Kind words help to balance out some of the negativity you say to yourself. If you over-do exercise, rather than work out 5 days a week, can you pull back and go two times instead – or go daily but practice with less intensity?
Noticing your negative behavioural patterns is the first step to any real change. Ask yourself, “What choice can I make that is more loving, supportive and sustainable as I ttc?” Start today.