TTC: Keep checking in to see if the stories that you are telling yourself are true. So often we make up stuff because it makes us feel good or allows us to process hard facts about ourselves in a positive light. This is not only you, we all do this. When we start to own our story, warts and all, it’s liberating. Telling the truth and dealing with the consequences feels vulnerable but it’s freeing too. What story are you telling yourself right now that might only be part of the truth?
My coaching client Bev told me ‘My life had been relatively smooth up till now. Then I couldn’t get pregnant, I just couldn’t understand how this could happen to me. I blamed myself and looked for some way rationalise what had gone wrong. I started telling myself it was my fault I couldn’t conceive, I partied too hard, I drank too much, I didn’t look after myself as I should. The guilt was horrible’, she recalled. ‘Then a family friend came over to visit me, she’s like a second mum and I love her to bits. I told her how I was feeling and she said ‘I don’t remember you being that way at all. What I remember as you grew up was that you were the sensible one. You looked out for everyone. You were the designated driver, the one that always put suntan lotion on before you went out and made your mum the best steam dumplings ever! You weren’t a mess, you were amazing’. It was a shock to notice that what I was focusing on wasn’t the full picture. I had chosen to look at my past in such a negative way, and it wasn’t helping me or my fertility journey – it was a real wake up call’.
We can choose how we tell our story. We can focus on the bits that weren’t so good, or we can look at the full picture, the darkness and the light. Can you start to look at your story in a different way that allows you to speak your truth and let’s you start to heal? This is a gentle process, it might not happen overnight. Mull it over, ponder, ruminate and above all be kind. You are doing the best that you can.