TTC: I wanted to share with you a simple self enquiry to help identify negative patterns as you ttc.

  • Write down 5 things that you really want in your life (the first things that come to mind).
  • Now write a list of 5 things that you don’t want to happen.

Notice anything? Often the things that you don’t want are the exact opposite of what you do. Eg. I want to have a baby / I don’t want to be childless, I want my relationship to be strong / I don’t want my relationship to fall apart, I want a healthy baby / I don’t want to have a miscarriage. When you write your thoughts down it’s much easier to see the themes and patterns that crop up. Often you realise that what you’ve written down is in fact your inner dialogue. What shows up are the worries and fears that you carry around with you all day.

So how do you stop ping-ponging from one state to the other? Being aware of how you are thinking and the stories that you tell yourself is the first step, because with awareness decisions can be made. You can decide to keep thinking this way, or maybe with realisation you consciously start to look at things differently. Eg. If your habitual thought is ‘I don’t want to be childless’, notice this. When you go there, see if you can catch yourself. Say ‘Im thinking’. Sigh out 3 times slowly. Now instead, remember everything that you are currently doing to slow down and change your life so you’re calmer and more in control. The breathing techniques, mantras, deep relaxations, self enquiries…Focus on these things. Know that by doing this important work, and by softening, being kind and giving yourself a break you’re in the best possible place for your baby to come to you. Trust this.

Meditation can also help. When you sit and breathe, thoughts arise. Rather than pushing them away, notice them and bring them close. They are neither good nor bad, right or wrong they’re just thoughts. They come and they go. When you catch yourself in a story say to yourself ‘I’m thinking’, then lovingly bring yourself back to your breath or mantra. Over time as you sit and practice, allow these thoughts to come up without judgement. You might find that off of your mat the highs and lows that you experience are lessened. They might still be there but they’re not so extreme. The heightened emotion is taken out of them. If you can relate to this remember to practice: Sit. Breathe. Notice. Drop judgement. Lovingly surrender. Calm.