Today I’m writing about ttc and how to cope on Mothers Day next Sunday. Let’s face it, Mothers Day and fertility issues do not mix. Wherever you are in your journey right now, whether you’re taking a pause, ramping up for your next cycle or grieving your last, as the day approaches it’s difficult not to feel a slight sense of dread. It’s that one time in the year which is so pointed and in your face, that what you desperately want hasn’t happened yet. (Notice, that word ‘yet’. So small and yet…so vitally important. How we speak about what we’re going through is crucial, remember every cell in your body is eavesdropping on your conversations. When we say ‘yet’, we leave ourselves open to possibility that good things are going to come us).
So we’re in ‘yet’ world and it’s Mothers Day, how do we cope? For me, there are 3 different approaches depending on where your head space is right now. You might like to do some of these, or maybe none of them appeal and you can create something more appropriate to you. We are all so different but here are some suggestions on how to cope:
1) Mother your Mama – Even though you’re feeling sad being able to share it with your mama can help you cope. When we put all our energies into creating something thoughtful and special for someone we love it makes them feel wonderful AND it makes us feel better. Friends have told me stories of spoiling their mamas by going on a cliff walk together before a lavish lunch. Buying flowers and spending time with each other planting in the garden. Baking special treats and having a snazzy afternoon tea. Being grateful for the relationships that we have in our lives and showing them how much we love them helps us to shift our focus from what we don’t have yet, onto what we do.
2) Hide & Hermit – If you feel that you’d rather just spend the day by yourself with your partner, then a hide & hermit day could be a perfect option. Do not check out your Facebook account. Turn off all social media. Today is the day to come home to yourself. Let the nurturing begin. You could start the day with a calm breathing technique or doing a gentle heart opening yoga practice to release sadness and grief. Breathing out heartache and sorrow can be a pretty powerful practice and can free deep emotions that are stored in our bodies and allow them to be released so we can heal. But maybe you don’t want to do either of these things and staying in bed with a big box of tissues, a bumper pack of Tim Tams and that box set of Homeland is the way to go. (Yes, I hear you shout – that’s me!) Or maybe going out to a movie or just boycotting the day being active and outdoorsy, hitting the beach or go walking in nature – all these things can help pass the day and make you feel so much better. Do what feels right, nothing is off the table.
3) Heal with Humour – If all else fails sometimes laughter is the only option at the crazy situation that we find ourselves in. Take your mama and family to lunch. Tell everyone who is coming that they have to bring a funny family story with them to tell at the table. Laughter is a great healer. Watch a funny movie, have that episode of Modern Family on quick dial so that when you’re feeling down you can get a quick fix of laughter just when you need it the most. Healing with humour can be difficult for some of us, but remembering that our fertility issues are part of us but not all of us is an important reminder. Laugher helps to keep our spirit light and our heart soft.
And finally…some of us may feel that they want to hide and hermit but feel obliged to go to a family gathering on Mothers Day. This sucks. Make sure that you have created in advance some answers to tricky or insensitive questions so that you feel more in control in that moment. Thinking about conversation topics that you can change the subject to can also be useful. If you get overwhelmed use your calm breathing techniques to support you. Take some time out from the immediate situation. Go outside (or to the loo if necessary), close the eyes, breathe from the belly through the nose and count the breath. Count in for 2 counts and out for 4 counts. Visualise all the stress and tension leaving the body as you exhale and breathe out. Do this 5 times to come back into your calm centre.
No matter where you are or what you do remember to be kind to yourself. You are doing the best that you can, every day and especially on Mothers Day.